Confessional

i have 9 days until surgery, i think i've been pretty calm so far. 9 days. Y'know there is the possibility that i could die from this procedure. The saddest part of that scenario is that i elected to have this done. 9 days and the transformation begins. No more fat chris. what worries me is that i will still be fat chris inside. how do i deal with the anger and rage and sadness that will inevitably follw after people i havn't seen for a while say things like "Wow you look amazing, or I'll bet you feel so much better about yourself" I say this because it happened before. five years ago i lost 160 lbs in about 9 months. I suffered from bulemia. i reached a point in my life where all hope was lost and i thought the only way i would be happy was to be thin. it didn't work. mostly for the the above reasons. i hated people for judging me so unfairly. people who, just a year prior wouldn't have taken the time to shoot me in the head to put me out of my misery were now, suddenly, wanting me to "holla" and "come hang." this is what i thought i wanted, i was fucking miserable. i hated all of these people, but mostly i hated myself. i put myself in this position.

now it (hopefully) will be different. i'm doing this surgically. it's not really about me, it is for Rey. she needs her daddy. i've worked through most of my bullshit and i think i'm ready. i want to be healthy.

This is the first time i have ever fully stated what i went through with my eating disorder.

tree huggin' hippie rey

TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA ME!

Awhile back my nephew Kyle floored me with the follo0wing statement "I think NIRVANA was probably the best punk band ever." WOW, I had to go outside and smoke just to keep from smacking his lips.

Sleepy Bastard

Sometimes I wanna punch people in the face,

sometimes I wanna console people concerning their problems which are none of my business,

sometimes I cry at things that no one else would understand,

sometimes I think I should have stayed in school,

sometimes I think I should start drinking,

sometimes sandwiches are my favorite food,

sometimes all I need is a nap.

"I have tasted, a life wasted, and I am never going back again."

Although Bruce and Hal had frequent and often times violent arguments, they always seemed to find themselves making out afterward.

When the Ocean met the Sky....

4:29 am.....
2 hours of sleep.....
after a twelve hour shift.....
to complete an inventory.....
on my store, which is dying......
fuck your problems.....

SG6140 10-02/03-06
R.I.P.










Rey enjoying our tea party. 3/28/06


"DON'T FORGET, YOU'RE HERE FOREVER!"
"DO I'T FOR HER !"

When the Earth Folded in on Itself....

SO I discovered that my predictions are probably true and my store might shut down in June. I sorta knew that when I returned to manage the Madison store, but now I am staring straight at the beast and can't decide if I'm relieved or exhausted. The sad reality is that THIS time as the manager (with the help of a new DM) I can finally run the store the way I see fit. However that may have been a warning sign.

Also discovered that Capt. Bastard's hours have been cut and he too might be out of a job. Maybe we should go write children's books together. I still refuse to produce "Clickety Clack, the Cat who smokes Crack" with him until it is A. not referred to as a children's book anymore or B. We get a TON of money for it.



Sometimes I think if you can pan out on the universe far enough,
this is what you might see.




"Every book is a children's book, if the kid can read!"

The Universe Is Shaped Exactly Like The Earth, If You Go Straight Long Enough You'll End Up Where You Were.

The long fought job search is over.......... and I'm going back to Madison. Which kinda makes me an asshole because that's exactly what I swore I wouldn't do. Oh well $$$ talks, and I am stoked to not be (so) poor anymore! The situation here is that, and I'm quoting my new DM (who consequently will be called "Shiny, new boss" from here on out,) this is now MY store to fix. I have never been given this much free reign before. Not from Sam Goody (screw you Cardell) and not from Rhino (FUCK you Spencer.) This is a new concept for me and I like the idea that I can finally do whatever I want so long as we're successful and to any of you who may be employed at MY new store: WE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL! or else.

Now that I exorcised myself of that----the downside.

This is the same store I left back in May. Since my departure, MY store has been dying and I now have to go perform business CPR. The existing staff have all probably lost their jobs and just don't know it yet. I feel like they are all targets and I am the crosshair. This will be an interesting week.

By the way, I am a little dramatic.



--Rey going out to dinner. 1/24/06